There is something I feel it is important to address openly and honestly.
Many years ago, in 2018 a couple of newspaper article reported on proposals to transform the former St Katharine’s Centre Secure Unit in Edinburgh into a multidisciplinary centre supporting people who had experienced sexual abuse. What particularly affected me was the suggestion that the facility would be dedicated to the survivors of abuse within that very complex.
At that time, I was the only person I was aware of whose abuse within the complex had been formally documented through the legal process. Consequently, the suggestion that a service would be created and dedicated to the survivors of abuse within those buildings felt incredibly personal to me.
My reaction was one of profound anger, disgust and resentment. I struggled with the idea that a place so closely associated with some of the most painful experiences of my life would be transformed into something explicitly connected to those experiences and the people who had endured them.
I will be honest, I did not respond to that news in the best way.
I was angry, and that anger shaped how I expressed myself. Looking back, I recognise that there are aspects of my reaction that I would approach differently today. I can acknowledge that without pretending that the feelings behind it were not real or that the experiences that contributed to them did not matter.
At the time, I was responding from a place of deep personal hurt. Today, I have a different perspective, and I believe it is important to be open about that change.
I have always believed that the Scottish Government, public bodies, organisations and institutions should be held accountable for their actions. I believe there must be transparency, honesty and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths, particularly where the treatment and protection of vulnerable children are concerned.
Those beliefs remain unchanged.
However, I also believe that if I expect transparency from others, I must be prepared to demonstrate that same transparency in relation to my own experiences and actions That is why I have spoken openly with someone about my own connection to the former secure unit and the visits I made to the building after it closed.
Several years ago, when the site had closed and was in the process of being sold, I returned to the complex. I made my way around the back of the building and looked through a window towards my former cell.
I want to be open about that because it was a significant moment for me personally.
I went there because I felt I needed to. I needed to see that space again, to confront a place that had played such a significant role in my life, and to do something that I felt was important for my own mental health, stability and healing.
It was a personal decision, made for my own reasons. I am not suggesting that returning to a place associated with trauma is right for everyone, but at that particular point in my life, it was something I felt I needed to do.
Then, this year, I returned to the building again.
I took a photograph of myself and my book in front of the former secure unit. I had not realised beforehand that the site had since been brought into use for the services now operating there. It was only when I arrived that I became aware of its current purpose. I left rather promptly after that.
I am disclosing these visits because I believe that transparency must extend to our own actions, not just those of the institutions and organisations we expect to be accountable.
I do not believe in demanding honesty from others while being unwilling to be honest about myself.
My position today – Supporting the services and their purpose
I want to make my position absolutely clear.
I fully support the work of the Sycamore Centre and Bairns Hoose, and the services they provide to people affected by sexual violence, abuse and trauma.
The Sycamore Centre provides specialist support for adults who have experienced rape or sexual assault. Bairns Hoose provides child-centred support for children and young people who have experienced harm and abuse.
These services have an important purpose. People who have experienced sexual violence deserve access to compassionate, specialist care and support. Children who have experienced abuse deserve to be heard, protected and treated with dignity. Their experiences must be taken seriously, and their needs must remain at the centre of the services intended to help them.
I recognise the importance of that work, and I support it.
I also recognise that my feelings about the proposed future of this site were very different many years ago. I was angry about the idea of a facility being dedicated to survivors of abuse within the complex, and I expressed that anger in a way that I would approach differently today.
My perspective has evolved, and I see no reason to hide that fact.
I can now recognise the value of services operating in a place that holds such a painful history for me personally. I can support the people who provide that care and the people who need it without feeling that I am diminishing my own experiences.
Supporting these services does not mean forgetting the past. It does not mean minimising what happened to me, nor does it mean that the history of the former secure unit should be overlooked.
It means recognising that a place can have a different purpose in the future, and that the people who now rely on the services there deserve compassion, respect and support.
My statement today
I am making this statement because I believe it is important to acknowledge my own journey honestly.
Many years ago, I reacted to the newspaper reporting with anger and opposition. Looking back, I would like to offer an apology for my previous reaction and comments, as I recognise that I would approach the situation differently today. With time and reflection, my perspective has changed, and I can now recognise the value of the services the site provides and express my support for the important work being done to help people affected by abuse.
I am not attempting to rewrite history, nor am I asking anyone to forget what I said previously. I am acknowledging my past position, taking responsibility for how I expressed myself and explaining where I stand today.
I fully support the Sycamore Centre and Bairns’ Hoose and the people who rely on their services. I recognise the importance of providing compassionate, specialist support to adults who have experienced sexual violence and to children and young people who have experienced abuse and harm.
At the same time, I will continue to advocate for transparency, honesty and accountability from the institutions responsible for the care and protection of vulnerable children.
My support for the future does not require silence about the past. My willingness to acknowledge that my own views have changed is part of the same commitment to honesty that I expect from others.
Sometimes, moving forward means being able to look at something that once caused us immense anger and recognise that we see it differently today.
That is what I am doing.
This is my personal statement, my reflection and my position today.